


We are God's unwanted children

by wwddd



Category: Supernatural
Genre: "no" is ignored, Abusive!Michael, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Bookshop owner Castiel, Dean Winchester is Loved, Dean Winchester is Protective of Castiel, Dean is supportive, Flashbacks, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Michael is an Ass, References to Depression, References to non consented sex, Sex, Slow Burn, Strong Castiel, bi!michael, ignored safe word, mechanic!Dean, nerd!Castiel, past abusive relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2019-08-19 20:00:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16541210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wwddd/pseuds/wwddd
Summary: Castiel works at a bookstore, well he owns it. His friend Dean keeps finding reasons to meet him there. He doesn't notice it at first but Castiel is changing. That sweet, weird guy with his gummy smile, wouldn't smile anymore. Dean tries his best to cheer his best friend up until he figures out why Castiel behaves like that, than he just wants to murder that fucker.





	1. Chapter 1

„Hey, Michael“ Castiel greeted as he opened the car door. He recognized the green car even at night from afar. Always wondering why his boyfriend would drive such a shitty, broke-down car when his family could afford everything.  
The car was a mint green Lupo, you can’t open the window on the driver site anymore. The space in the backseat is filled up to the seats, with empty Red Bull cans. Everything reeks of cigarettes and expensive perfume. The first time Cas drove in the car he didn’t want to touch anything that wasn’t absolutley necessary. He still prefers driving his car, which he does more and more often since they’ve gotten together a couple of weeks ago. 

Castiel gets into the car. He closes the rusty door with a slam and leans over to Michael to greet him with a light peck on the lips. Michael let’s the engine roar and drives them to the nearest Burger place.  
Cas steals glances at Michael over the short drive. His rosy lips are stuck to a cigarette while his eyes are searching for a lighter in the dark car.  
With anyone else he would have been at unease, but he trusted Michael to have everything under control. Even though he barely ever had his eyes on the road. Sure he had told him about a couple of accidents he’s gotten himself into but nothing major. At least none Castiel knew of. 

Michael started swearing, and Castiel handed him one of his own lighters. Once they where dating he started to carry at least three lighters with him at all times. Cas knew Michael needed them sooner or later.  
“Thanks, sweety”, Michael smiled at him.  
That sweet, inocent, wide smile that gave Castiel butterflies.  
They arrived at the Fast Food place a little before 11:00 p.m.. Michael hurried out of the car and walked straight towards the place, without waiting for Castiel. The younger man was used to this, and he didn’t even want to go inside. He loved Burger, but not every evening.

Especially right now, he hasn’t been able to eat much for this whole week. He wasn’t hungry, he didn’t feel weak either, his stomach was constantly tied into knots. Cas didn’t see it as much of a downside as he has lost almost 11 lbs (5kg) in the last ten days. His stomach is now flat, they way he always wanted it o be, he didn’t want to loose those pounds by not eating. He could worry about that later, though. Now he followed the blonde curls into the greasy burger joint. 

Castiel joined Michael at the opposite of the red booth, while they waited for the order. Micheal chatted with the guy behind the counter. He had dark skin and coal black hair, a bit of a tummy and a soft smile on his lips as he talked to Michael with a light accent.  
That way of being able to talk to anyone, anywhere about everything was what made Castiel fall for Michael in the first place.  
He wouldn’t call what he felt love, but it still felt nice being around each other. Michael was usually easy to talk to, mostly because Cas never had to say much at all.  
It was fascinating watching that man, it seemed like a magic trick he could pull off in front of everyone. Sometimes Cas felt like he was the only one that had to deal with his boyfriends rage at night. 

Castiel was so deep in thought he almost didn’t notice Michael paying for the food and leaving. He hurried after him. In front of the car Castiel grabbed for the older mans blue jacket trying to stop him from walking so he could kiss him. Michael had none of it and tore himself free from the light grip and moved behind the steering wheel. He slamed the driver’s door shut and turned on the engine. It was a surprise that the key didn’t break at the motion. 

 

Castiel was startled by the reaction he received, but didn’t think much of it as he tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his chest. His stomach knotted up even tighter as he scurried to get into the car. They didn’t talk during the short drive to Michaels appartement.  
Cas thoughts had enough time to race around his head. Mostly it was bad thoughts. He’s never been the most stable person. He’s been fighting depression and self harm since middle school. Frankly the fight didn’t stop, even at 21 years he’s still struggling.  
Sure he became healthier and started to learn how to deal with his illness, that doesn’t mean it’s ever going to be easy. Before he could dive deeper into his thoughts they reached the building with the one-room apartment.

 

The building was three stories high. The apartment was on the second floor. They walked through the locked entrance door into the open stairwell. White walls reflected the harsh, artificial lightning. They stomped up the stars and towards the second door to the left. Castiel entered the room after Michael and the stench of weed filled his nostrils.  
“Is it very obvious?” Michael asks Cas with a sly smirk, eyes glistening with a hint of pride.  
“Very” Cas states, he takes off his beige trench cout and folds it before putting it on the floor. On top of it lands his phone, keys and wallet.

He falls onto the bed, the worn out matress not doing much for his aching back. He stares at the ceiling. The white is slowly fading and a paint job wouldn’t hurt, still the ceiling looked nicer than the rest of the room. There was rubbish all over the floor. The paper basket was overflowing with cigarette packets, Red Bull cans and Capri Suns. The only nice thing about this place was the smell, besides the obnoxious weed smell it always smelled of perfume. Michaels perfume. Light but still intense, like the salty taste of the ocean combined with heavy flowers. 

“Want something to drink?” Michael called from the entrance where he had a minifridge. Its only use to cool beverages, and the occasional chocolate. He didn’t need much more, he ate breakfast, lunch and dinner at work or he went to a Fast Food place.  
“Capri Sun, please.”  
Michael rumages through the fridge and threw the package at Cas on the bed and kept one to himself. It landed on Castiels stomach, with a laugh he put himself into a sitting position while Michael started unpacking his food and laying it out on the bed. 

While eating Michael complained about work, a lot. Every 10th word out of his mouth was “bitch” or “whore”. As they started dating it bothered Castiel that he was such a misogynistic asshole, and tried to change him. It was fruitless.  
Cas just sits, steals the occasional fry and hopes that todays hate speech is over soon. 

Michael brushes the waste off the bed and lays flat on his stomach, reaching for his laptop. “What movie shall we watch today?” he asked, but Cas knew better not to answer. Michael went on and on about one movie or the other. The movies were always filled with violence and kind of gross. Castiel never knew how weird it would be to fall asleep to the sounds of someone getting murdered. Still he went along with it. Waking up in the middle of the night only to see the grossest scenes of the horror film wasn’t so bad in comparison to the nightmares his boyfriend would have without the movies.  
Michael pressed play and lays down on his back, Cas mirrored him.

Michaels hand started to creep closer to Castiels thigh. Once he reached it he starte caressing it. His hand moved closer and closer to Cas’ inner thigh. The other man’s dick gave an intressted twitch as he watched Michaels administrations.  
The movie was soon forgotten as Michael turned around to face Castiel. He grinned that obnoxious sex-smile that Castiel grew to hate. It wasn’t just a smile, it was condenscendingly. It always made Cas feel small and inferior; like he was a victim and not the partner. 

He closed his eyes, hoping the other would interprete it as something good.  
Michael starts to touch Castiels still clothed crotch. He slid his palm along the length of his dick. Castiel let out a silent moan and his dick grew in size. He could practically feel _that_ smile on his boyfriend, so he held his eyes shut.  
He heard his zipper opening, he felt his pants move past his clothed errection and finally past his toes. Castiel stripped of his socks on his own, while Michael started mouthing against his crotch. The heat of Michael made it hard for Castiel to focus. He started to wiggle in order to make Michael hurry things up a bit. He didn’t want to come like this already.  
Michael pulled off and with one fast motion the red boxers were off, along with Michael’s pants, underwear and socks. Cas took of both their shirts and searched for his boyfriends lips. They kissed, open-mouthed and sloppy, enjoying the sensation of their cocks brushing against each other. Michael sat up to retrieve the lube from his nightstand and sat down in between Castiels long legs.  
He went down on him. Sucking on the tip while he opened him up with a slick finger. Then two and three and than he pushed his cock inside of Castiel. 

Castiel couldn’t breath. It was too much. Too tight. Too painfull. He grabbed Michaels upper arms and tried to push him back. “Wait!”  
Michael didn’t react to his boyfriends struggle and kept pushing in. Castiel’s finger nails digged into to flesh of the others arm. “Please, wait! I need...”  
He couldn’t breath. God it hurt him so much. He felt himself stretch painfully against the intrusion. He willed himself to relax his muscels, but right before he managed it, Michael pushed further. “No!” Castiel almost begged. It was hard talking when he felt like he was splitting into two.  
Michael didn’t seem to care, not even when Castiel tried to push him back with his hand on the other one’s chest now. Castiel moved away from him, he tried sitting up but it only made things worse as he started shifting backwards. Finally Michael was burried balls deep inside of him. The throbbing pain still there. _At least he’s not moving anymore_ , Castiel thought to himself. If on cue Michael pulled out, not completely. Castiel didn’t know how but somehow he managed to relax his body enough not to hurt as much anymore. 

Michael kept pumping into him. Mercilessly. Hot breaths reached Castiels skin. The feeling of arousal far from his mind, but evident on his body. Michael sweated above him. Moaning and chasing his orgasm. He didn’t even notice Castiel’s lack of participation. Castiel was glad about it. He didn’t want to think about what would happen to him if Michael had noticed. Probably the same thing that happened last time he didn’t come during sex

He learned his lesson, that night; faking orgasms wasn’t so hard.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey, Cas!” Dean greeted as he walked into the bookstore. Looking around, searching for Castiel. His green eyes scanned the store. Dark brown bookcase after bookcase filled with hundreds of books. The cramped tables in the middle of the store where advertising the newest books. In the far right corner was the children’s section, with colourful smaller bookcases, fluffy pillows and bean bags. None of that caught Dean’s attention. He walked straight towards _his_ bookcase. Castiel made this bookshelf for Dean. It was filled with all books that screamed “Dean”. It consisted mostly of Vonnegut, but also a lot of other books Dean loves, but never admit out loud to anyone else but his best friend.  
Once a month Castiel would add another book to Deans case, something he thinks Dean would enjoy, and god damn did Dean enjoy. 

It hasn't been a month since Dean bought his last book here, but as Cas wasn't around he browsed through the bookcase.  
“See something you like?”, the deep voice echoed through the store.  
Dean turned around with a big smile that reached his green eyes, replying:”Well, now I do.”  
Castiel smiled as he moved closer, although his smile didn't seem to light up his eyes like it usually does, at least when Dean's around.  
Finally Castiel was close enough for Dean to crush him in a hug. A very manly, bear hug. Not at all clingy or tight. Nope.  
“What are you doing here? I don't have a new book picked out for you yet.” Castiel frowns.  
“Wanted to make sure you're okay. Haven't heard from you in a while.” Dean tried to not sound too accusing. Judging from Cas face he failed miserably at it. Castiel opened his mouth, but Dean interrupted him:” I just kinda missed you, buddy.”  
Dean absolutely did not, and I repeat did not blush. Something in those blue eyes of Cas made him want to share his feelings. Castiel had the power to turn Dean into a guy who shares everything. Be it something Dean deliberately hides or isn't even aware is feeling. 

“I'm sorry, Dean.”  
Castiel sounds like he wants to say more but the people lining up at the cash desk caught his attention. “Excuse me.” he mumbled, hurrying towards the little crowd.  
Dean watched him deal with his customers; exchanging pleasantries with a fake smile plastered on his thin lips.  
“Weird.” Dean thought to himself, he's known Castiel for four years now, and never has he seen him fake smiles. Sometimes, he had bad days like everyone does, but his work seemed to cheer him up. Even when the customers were being extra difficult, at least he got to hold a book, and smell that familiar smell. He loved books so much that everything else didn't matter. Not in the long run.  
Dean learned about the man's feelings towards book on a drunken night out. Castiel ended up shouting “I love books more than people!” to the dead asleep city. Dean loved a relaxed Cas. This Cas just freaked him out. 

Dean moved closer to the cash desk and leaned against it once the last customer paid and left.  
Castiel took a deep breath and poured himself tea from the silver thermos bottle.  
“A lot has been going on lately...” Castiel picked up their conversation from earlier.” The shop is going great, and then there's Michael.” he ended lamely.  
“Right. Michael. How's he doing?” Dean smiled at his best friend. He knew life could go hectic especially with a new relationship forming.  
Polite as ever came the reply:”“He's great, thank you.”  
Castiel's eyes seemed to lose a little more of their light as he spoke of his boyfriend. Dean noticed how twitchy Castiel became, he wiped invisible dust from the countertop, and bit his lips.  
“Something wrong, Cas?” Dean asked, worry etched into his features.  
“Look, Dean, I am really busy today...” he glanced at the customers approaching the cash desk, “Do you have time this evening? I even pay for the beers?” Castiel smiled at Dean. Not a fake smile Dean noticed with a sigh.  
“Sure, Cas, I'll text you.”  
With that Dean left the bookstore behind. Wondering and worrying what had made Castiel so upset. 

 

**********

 

It has been a couple of days since Castiel spent his evening with Dean. An evening filled with fun, beer and laughter. First it was just the two of them, later on Sam and his girlfriend Jessica joined them. The played pool, talked and Castiel watched Dean tease his little brother.

 

Castiel returned home late, very happy and very tired.  
Even though Castiel hadn't had this much fun for weeks, he felt bad about the night out. He knew Michael didn't like it when he was with other men. To Michael it didn't matter if it was his best friend or a stranger. Every men was a threat to him. Castiel did everything to have his boyfriend trust him.  
Michael had told Castiel at the beginning of their relationship that he had trouble trusting people. He implied that his ex girlfriend had cheated on him and as he confronted her she denied it. He kept pushing and eventually she admitted to having kissed another guy. They stayed together for another six months before Michael decided to take a break. He found a job and an apartment a two-hour-drive away and the relationship was over. 

Castiel didn't want to upset him further and kept a low profile. He knew how Michael could be once he was angry. The decision to not tell his boyfriend about his night out was obvious. It was also obvious that he wouldn’t tell Dean about Michaels distrust. It would only upset his best friend. He's seen that worry in Deans features when they had talked about Michael the other day at the store. Castiel hated seeing Dean like this, so staying silent is what he's going to do. 

Cas thought about all that while he cleaned his bookstore. The last customers have left 20 minutes ago and he's finishing up, before going home. Michael had texted him earlier, he waits for Cas in his apartment. Castiel still had plenty of time until Michael got off work at ten pm. . As a waiter in the restaurant of a hotel Michael has terrible hours. On busy nights he was stuck there until midnight and had to start breakfast service by 9 in the morning. In addition to that he only has Thursdays off work. Michaels job makes seeing each other difficult. Castiel tried to clear his Thursdays until midday so they at least had the morning together.  
Since they've been sleeping together at Michaels, Castiels sleep schedule is screwed up. They don't want to spent their rare time together just sleeping, most nights they end up going to sleep way after midnight. The bags under Cas' eyes make it obvious that he hasn't slept more than a couple of hours at night. He hoped Dean wouldn’t notice.  
Castiel grabbed his wallet and keys and headed for the door. He turned off the lights, locked the door and walked home. Mentally preparing himself for meeting Michael later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it :)


	3. Chapter 3

Castiel knocked at the familiar apartment door. He could hear music coming from behind the door but no footsteps. He knocked again. The hard wood scraping against his knuckles. After the third knock, Castiel tried the doorknob and pushed the unlocked door open. The usual chaos greeted him. Dozens of Red Bull cans shattered over the kitchen table and the floor. Ash trays filled to the brim, and a stray, black sock in the middle of the dirty floor. 

„Hey!“ Castiel shouted against the music. Eyes searching for his boyfriend. He walked around the corner to glance into the bedroom and the attached bathroom. No Michael. The glass door to the balcony was slightly ajar. Castiel walked back and glanced out the glass door trying to make out anything in the dark.   
All he could see was the room mirrored in the door. He pulled the door further open and walked into darkness.   
„Oh, hey, Castiel!“Michael greeted.   
Castiel turned around and saw him leaning against the balcony. „Didn't hear you. Sorry.“ He smiled sheepishly, moved away from the railing and pulled Castiel into an embrace. He kissed the top of his head, then his forehead and eventually his lips. Castiel leaned against his boyfriend. Enjoying the warmth and the care he felt in moments like this. Michael removed himself from Castiel and went to lower the volume of his music box. „I have to show you this song!“ Michael's eyes shone brightly as he searched for the song on his phone. 

Castiel smiled to himself, relieved and happy about his boyfriends good mood. He let himself drift while Michael talked on an on about this or that song. Afterwards he told boring work stories, Cas gladly listened to. He appreciated whenever Michael was like this. Calm, sweet, caring and utterly boring. Boring is better than angry. Always. 

That night they both fell asleep with The Hobbit running in the background. 

 

******

 

„Hurry up Michael!“ Castiel shouted against the bathroom door. He sat on the rumbled bed. The green blanket he brought from his home, was the only neat thing in this room. He hated all this chaos and untidiness. Couldn't stand it. He's been wanting to clean this mess up since he went to Michael's for the first time six weeks ago. Castiel refused to. Michael tried to talk him into cleaning a couple of times already, even suggesting Castiel does his laundry for him, so Michael wouldn’t have to use the gross washing machine at his work place. Castiel coldly suggested he can use his washing machine, but has to do the work on his own. Michael, of course, was quick to refuse that offer.   
Now Castiel had to suffer in this dirt and wait for Michael to be finally done showering. He's been looking forward to today for the whole week. Couldn't wait to go to the annual beach party. He always went there together with Sam and Dean. It was further away so they definitely needed a car to get back, if they didn't want to wait for hours on a taxi and then be cramped in it with way too many other drunk people. So they had to use an ancient method to pick the driver: Rock, paper scissors. 

Castiel lost, like usually, so he ended up as the designated driver for the night. It barely dampened his mood.   
What dampened his mood a lot was that he was already an hour late because of Michael.   
He was so close to go on his own and leave his boyfriend to himself. Michael seemed to notice that earlier and looked at him with those big brown eyes and apologized.:„ It's not my fault my boss made me stay longer.“

It's not an apology. Cas knew that, but he wanted to get to the party. Now.   
He pulled at the seam of his black shirt. The white writing on it making him grin, when finally Michael turned off the shower. He walked out of the bathroom completely naked, in search of something clean to wear. He picked up a beige shirt, sniffed at it and threw it back in another corner. The next shirt, a white one proofed to smell better and he put in on. Michael pulled up his pants and stared at Castiels shirt before reading:“Fuck you you fucking fuck.“   
Castiel smirked and explained:“I like it.“   
„O-kay.“ Michael answered, dragging out the „o“ longer than necessary.   
His reaction made Castiel feel a little insecure but only for a second. 'Fuck him' he thought.

 

Almost two hours later than planned Castiel and Michael reached the party.   
Most of the party goers were already drunk.   
„So, it's called 'beach party' but is in the middle of the woods?“ Michael asked irritated.  
„It has beach sand on the floor.“  
„So... no actual beach?“  
„Nope.“ 

The couple moved trough the drunken crowd. It didn't take long for the sand to seep through their shoes. What did take long was finding Sam and Dean.   
Eventually Castiel spotted the gigantic figure of Sam against one of the many bars, scattered over the area.  
He grabbed his boyfriends wrist and pushed through the people towards the brothers.   
Dean spotted them first and promptly ordered drinks for them. Jägermeister-Bull for Michael and a coke for Castiel. 

The friends where too close to the music to be able to hold down a proper conversation, so after the first few shouted interactions they stood without conversing. Taking in the crowd, swaying to the music and sipping at their drinks. Castiel could feel someone's eyes on him. He looked around until he caught Dean reading his shirt. Castiel grinned at him, watching how the smile on his best friend's face grew bigger. He looked up from Cas chest, and his smile grew a little bigger, almost splitting his face in two. He motioned a thumbs up at Castiel over the loud music.   
Castiel had ordered the „Fuck you, you fucking fuck“ shirt, right after their weekly movie night. Dean and Castiel had rewatched 'Shameless' together. One of the characters was wearing a shirt with that writing on it. Dean said he'd love to wear that shirt at work. „Would spare we a lot of annoying people.“ Dean had chuckled back then. 

They stopped having those movie nights. 'When the fuck did _that_ happen?' Castiel thought to himself.  
Before Castiel could dive deeper into that, fingers slung around his wrist as he was pulled towards the dance floor. The dance floor was a cleaned out area in front of the stage, filled up with sand. Michael and Sam followed them. Together they danced and fooled around. Only interrupted by the occasional kiss between Castiel and Michael and a steady refill of their drinks. 

Being exhausted from the dancing the group settle somewhere on the side lines. Far enough away to be able to talk over the music without screaming one's lungs out and very close to the next bar.   
Sam and Michael started bonding over god knows what, but they did seem to get along great. Castiel smiled at them, joining them, and letting himself be held by Michael. His big hand felt nice and warm on his hip. The shoulder he leaned against felt strong and save. He didn't listen to the conversation. His eyes wandered around. Making out people that seemed familiar to him until his focus shifted back as Michael started pecking his cheek.   
Moving his lips towards Castiel's mouth. Castiel's body shifted, his hands moved to the others neck, burying his hands in the short hair at the base of his neck. He smiled against the other's lips once they pulled apart.   
Castiel noticed absent mindedly that Sam must have left them before Michael started kissing him. He looked around and saw him, standing a couple of feet away, talking to his brother. 

„Do you want another drink?“ Michael whispered in his ear. 

„Coke, please.“ 

Michael let go of Castiel, but not without brushing his fingers along his hips. Eliciting a silent gasp and a raised eyebrow from Castiel.   
Michael walked towards Sam and Dean to ask if they wanted anything. Sam joined him getting the drinks for the four of them.   
Castiel sauntered over to Dean. It didn't matter how long it has been since the last time they saw each other. To Castiel, being with Dean felt like coming home. That's what makes talking and being with his friend so relaxing. Even when they were standing next to each other in silence.   
Castiel started to grow a bit restless, it really took Michael and Sam a long time for those drinks. Castiel worried at his lips, his fingers clenching and unclenching while he looked for his boyfriend in the crowd.   
At long last he spotted familiar dirty blonde hair and a mop of brown hair coming their direction. They each held two solid plastic cups. 

Wait. There was someone else following them. Chatting with Michael while walking towards Dean and him. Once they were close enough Michael looked away from the woman next to him and grinned at Castiel. 

„Castiel, this is Ruby.“ He gestured at Ruby, „Ruby this is my boyfriend Castiel.“ 

The woman stretched her hand towards Cas. He didn't react at first, all he could do was stare at her.   
He felt like a deer caught in the headlights as he watched Ruby. Dark waves curled gently over her shoulder. She was in all black: black short skirt and a black crop top. Her clothes didn't leave much to the imagination. Her legs seemed to stretch forever before they ended in black sneakers. Even Sam was discretely checking her out, and that alone said a lot!  
Eventually Castiel caught himself, took her warm hand in his. She moved closer to kiss him on the cheek and Castiel, though thrown off, reciprocated the peck.

Ruby smiled at him. It reminded him of that time when he was sick and his mum made him eat sugar with drops of tea tree oil in it. He puked every time.   
Castiel barely managed to look at Ruby. Something about her was off, but he tried to brush it off.   
„Where are you from, Ruby?“ Dean asked next to him. 

„Take a guess?“ Ruby answered, but before anyone even managed to think of something she spun around like she was dancing. Her skirt lifted a little as she spun in circles. Growing closer to the dance floor and further away from them. 

Cas caught Dean's eyes and mouthed „What the fuck?“. Dean shrugged his shoulder and took a big gulp of his drink.   
At that Michael handed Castiel the coke and wondered:“ So… what do you think of her?“ 

„Eh… why?“

Michael started squirming under Castiel's questioning look. His eyes wandered away and over the crowd. Castiel followed his gaze and there was Ruby spinning around and dancing off beat.   
„I think Sam might hate me now.“ Michael stated. A mixture of embarrassment but also pride showing on his features. 

Castiel raised his eyebrows. Michael emptied the plastic cup in one go before explaining himself: “Sam and me went to get drinks and Ruby was at the bar as well… we started talking and while Sam ordered she kinda touched my dick.“ 

„She what?“ 

„Ruby held my cock. It was really nice… She's definitely a bottom. She wants it soo bad.“ Michael swooned over Ruby.   
„So… I thought maybe the two off us could take her home with us tonight?“ 

„I… I don't see the appeal in her, sorry.“ Castiel muttered

Michael's face fell. „Alright.“ with that he walked off, probably to buy another beer.

 

Castiel turned around to Dean who pretended to not have heard the interaction. „What the fuck.“ Castiel swore. His eyes were wide as he looked at his friend. Dean gave him a fake-confused look. „I know you heard it, Dean. Stop pretending.“   
„Sorry“ was all that Dean brought forth before breaking out into laughter.   
„This isn't funny, Dean!“ Cas hissed. The crowd around them noticed Dean's laughter and apparently wanted to take part in it. Cas grabbed his best friends wrist and pulled him towards the edge of the party area. Dean was still doubled over from laughing. 

„What did they put in their drinks?“ Dean said through chuckling. „I can't believe your boyfriend just asked you to have a threesome with a stranger. I'm dying!“   
Castiel slapped Dean lightly on the shoulder which just made Dean laugh that much more. 

Castiel sat down on the sandy ground waiting patiently for his best friend to stop laughing. Once that happened he sat down next to him. 

„Are you okay?“ Dean asked. All the traces of laughter gone as he drunkenly stared at Cas. 

„ I should be jealous.“ he paused, “Why am I not jealous?“

„Easy.“ Dean explains:“ You are a gay man in a relationship with a gay man, doing gay things having gay, manly sex. Why the hell would you be jealous of a chick? Doesn’t make sense to me.“ 

„Thank you, Dean.“ Dean's drunk logic made Castiel feel a bit better at least for now.   
„C'mon let's get home, the sun's almost rising.“ Castiel says as he gets up.   
Standing he takes Deans hand and helps him up as well before searching for the rest of their group.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a somewhat short chapter but I really like it just like that. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Castiel sat in a booth next to the window at his favourite café. He rarely managed to come here since his routine changed with Michael becoming his boyfriend. His fingers slid over the surface blemish of the table towards the heat the coffee mug provided him. It was unusually cool for a summer morning, and the people walking by outside the window pulled their light jackets tighter around them. A little girl, in a red dress and a dark gray hoodie, was running along the side walk, followed by a shouting mother. 

The girl looked back at the mum, but she didn't stop running so she promptly crashed into another person. Castiel couldn’t see the mans face from his seat in the café but those bow legs seemed very familiar.  
The girl stumbled back and almost fell on her butt hadn't the man held her up. The mother reached her kid completely out of breath. The man said something to the girl he still held upright, and let go of her. He smiled at the mother, who nodded at him and responded.  
The man waved goodbye to the little girl and walked towards the café, waving as he spotted Castiel behind the windows. 

“Good morning, Dean.” Castiel smiled at his friend. Motioning for him to sit across the table. 

“Heya, Cas.” 

“It's...” Castiel looked at his wristwatch than continued, “08:30 and you are already a hero,” 

“What?” Dean frowned, “Oh, you mean the little girl outside? It was nothing I just caught her.” 

“That's not nothing, Dean. I saw all of it don't belittle yourself. It's amazing how good you are with kids. The girl looked quite comfortable with you, _a stranger_ , and so did the mother. Must be great being you.” 

“Cas...” Dean started but the waitress choose this moment to take their orders,  
”Hello, what can I get you?”  
“Coffee please, black. What kind of pies do you have?” Dean asked. 

The waitress smiled sweetly at him and answered:”We've got cherry and apple, sweetheart.” 

“I'll take the apple pie, please.”  
The waitress smile grew wide, “Apple's my favourite too.” With that she turned around and walked behind the counter. 

“I wanted some pie as well.” Castiel pouted. “See, that's what I meant before. People are immediately impressed by you!” 

“People like you too, Castiel. Don't be like that.” Dean said in hushed tones his eyes scanning the surface of the table. 

“I just looks so easy, you know? I don't mean to be jealous. I really don't.” 

“It's not that easy for me, either.” 

The waitress came to their table with the coffee and the apple pie. She seemed to notice the tense atmosphere and refrained from any comment. 

“Thank you.” Dean said, “Could we get another fork please?” 

“Sure!” The waitress said a little bit too forced and Castiel had a hard time holding it together. Dean winked at him, as the waitress laid down the fork in front of Cas, and retreated to the back. 

Together they dug into the pie.  
“I'm sorry Dean. I'm cranky today.” Cas apologized.

Dean wiped his mouth with the rough paper napkin and asked:” Something bothering you?” 

“I miss my brother.” Castiel admitted, “I can't believe he left like that.”

“That's how Gabriel is, you can't hold him back. He's a force of nature.” Dean smiled. 

Castiel huffed a laugh and wholeheartedly agrees with his friend. “Still, I'd like to hear from him now and then. I want to know what he's up to.” Castiel took a sip of his now cold coffee and continued, “I worry that he got himself into trouble.” 

“He never told you why he left?” 

“Only that he needed to get out of here. That he felt like suffocating in this small town...I don't even know where he went!” Cas exclaimed, running his fingers through his dark hair. 

“You ever asked him?” he asked watching the others finger run through his hair. 

“I won't push him.” 

“Look, Cas. We've been friends for how long now? Six, seven years? And throughout all this time your brother got into so much trouble!” Dean laughed at that, “He never had to face any real consequences. He always managed to talk himself out of it. I was with him that time he cut Sammy's hair off and he almost convinced _me_ that he hadn't done it!” 

Castiel broke out in a laugh, “He really is good at talking” 

“See? He's gonna be just fine. He will tell you when he is ready.” 

“Thank you, Dean.” 

“You're welcome.” 

The two of them keep catching up for a bit longer, they haven't seen each other since the beach party, two weeks ago. Castiel call over the waitress and handles the bill under protest from Dean.  
“Dean, could you do me a favor?” 

Dean nodded at him and leaned forwards onto the table. 

“Could we keep this between us? Michaels jealousy. It's ridiculous.”

A frown spread across Deans forehead,” He seems to be quite intense.. he doesn’t… you know?” he ends weakly, eyes glued to the table once more. 

“He doesn't what?”

“Hurt you?” The hushed tone he used was unlike Dean. He sounded shy and almost scared. Dean raised his eyes and looked Castiel deep into his. As if I was making sure Cas was telling him the truth. 

“Dean Winchester.” Castiel starts, “You are an amazing best friend.” He smiles fondly at him before he gets out of the booth and leaves the café and Dean behind.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really really sorry this took so long. On the bright side I found a job I actually kinda like, my mental health is quite good and life feels good even with the bad stuff in it. 
> 
> So here the next chapter. I hope you like it.  
> Please leave a comment or/and kudos. They make me a very happy fluff.

“How do they relate?” Michael wonders, standing in Castiel's bookstore. He waited until Castiel had returned form the cash register to ask his question. 

“What do you mean, Michael?” the dark haired man asks. 

“These books.” he motioned with his hands towards the bookshelf and continued, “All of the other books are sorted, by author, or name… but the books on that bookshelf don't seem to belong together at all. You must have thought of something when you stacked them.”

Castiel stared at him, trying to keep his heartbeat calm and his voice steady. Michael was standing directly in front of Dean's bookcase. How was he supposed to explain to his excessively jealous boyfriend that he dedicated a whole bookcase for his best friend. How was he supposed to explain to him that those books, that take up store space, are all his recommendations for Dean. How was he supposed to explain to him that those are Dean's favourite books without it sounding weird. Well not weird to him or Dean, but weird to his boyfriend.  
Castiel decided to not even answer these questions in the first place. He isn't going to tell Michael the truth so it has to be a lie. For his sake, and Deans but mostly for Michaels. 

“I'm still working on it. I want it to be for my customers. They can buy books here and put their favourite ones on this shelf. Like a recommendation shelf.” Castiel smiles at his boyfriend and looks around his store, making sure none of the customers needed help. 

“Weird.” Michael breaths. 

“Why?” 

“Why wouldn’t you put up a sign for that? Makes no sense.” 

“I haven't had time to do that yet. It was just an idea I had. Studies say that if books are considered good by a lot of people a lot more people are going to read those books.” Castiel defends himself and shoots Michael an annoyed glare. 

“You're lying to me.” 

“What the fuck?” 

“I know it's not for the customers.” 

“Well, who the fuck else would it be for?” Castiel tried to keep his voice as low as possible. Anger in the form of heat rose up from his stomach. 

“I don't know. Definitely not the customers.” 

“Don't do this, Michael.” 

“Do what?” 

“Accuse me of lying to you. I never, not once, gave you reason to not trust me.” Castiel is taking deep breaths and telling himself that Michael doesn't want to hurt him, although it hurts him. It doesn’t matter that Castiel is lying to him, he did it so _this_ wouldn’t happen. 

“I-” Michael starts but Castiel stops him with a finger to his mouth. 

“You should leave, Michael.” With that Castiel turned away and continued with his work, greeting customers and talking to regulars. 

He managed to keep the 'fight' with Michael out of his mind as long as he was working. He knew as soon as that last customer, a teenage girl with glasses and a love for John Green, leaves the store he would lose his composure.

While closing up, Castiel fished for his phone, presses the call button and hold the cold screen against his ear. 

“Hey, Dean. Wanna go out for drinks? 

_“Sure. Are you alright?”_

“I will be. See you in 30 minutes? 

_“Yeah. Later, Castiel.”_

 

Castiel hurries to his apartment and gets showered and redressed in record time. Dean and he will head to their usual bar 'The Roadhouse', so he decided to wear something casual. Dark, tight jeans and a blue t-shirt. Before leaving his apartment he grabbed the tan trenchcoat, in case it would get much colder during the night. 

On his way over to Dean he stops at the ATM to fill up his wallet. He intended to spent an awful lot of it.  
Once he was in front of the residential building where Dean lived he considered waiting outside but quickly revaluate that thought and rang the doorbell. Dean buzzed him open. He pushed the heavy door open and all but ran up the stairs to the 2nd floor. He heard rummaging behind the closed door. The key turned on the inside and with a soft thud the door opened revealing Dean. He looked away from the door shouting something at his brother Sam while trying to pull his leather jacket off the coat rack.  
His light jeans hung rather loose on his hips and his faded ACDC shirt screamed cosy evening. Castiel was glad Dean didn't seem to be in the mood to find someone to hook up with. They've been friends for so long Castiel knows all Dean's hook-up-clothes. Sometimes he even caught himself checking Dean out, that's how well they work.  
Dean opened the door further to actually step out of his apartment. He stopped dead in his track, his breath hitched as he saw Castiel standing there. 

“Jesus, Cas, warn a guy!” He laughed his hand reached for his chest, as he took a deep breath. 

“Sorry, didn't mean to startle you. I really want to get drunk. Like whole-liquor-store-drinking drunk.” With that Castiel turned on his heels and jumped down the staircase. 

“Hey, wait up!” Dean shouted after him following him down the staircase. 

 

********

 

“Michael!” Castiel slurred, smashing his knuckles against his boyfriends apartment door.”Open up, you fucker!” 

“Cas, stop it.” Dean tried to shush him, he gripped Castiel tight and tried to pull him away from the door. The front door of the complex hadn't been locked so they got into the stairwell and up to Michael's room without anyone noticing. It was three in the morning and two drunk guys broke into an residential building. It wouldn’t take long before the residents would wake up and throw them out or worse call the police, but Castiel couldn’t care less. He didn't care about waking up all those people. He didn't care about Dean pulling him away from the door. He didn't care about being drunk off his ass and barely managing to stand straight. All he cared about was Michael. More precisely punching him in the face and telling him how shitty a boyfriend he is and how bad he makes him feel sometimes and how much he sucks at sex. Castiel's about to yell the last part out loud, but Dean pulls his hand in his and pulls him off his feet. They both stumble back down the stairs. 

“What?” Castiel angrily shouts at Dean, trying to wriggle out of Dean's grasp. 

“You want to get fucking arrested, Cas?” Dean yelled back, gesturing to the light that turned on a couple of floors above them. 

“Fuck.” Castiel swears and resists the desire to punch his boyfriend and stumbles down the rest of the stairs. Dean's hand clasped safely into his. 

The front door smashed closed after them, but they men don't stop running. Their lungs are burning and their feet are wobbly. 

“I can't...” Castiel brings forth between short, heavy breaths. 

“Hold on!” Dean pulls Castiel a bit harder as they run towards the next corner, to be out of sight of the rediential building. 

The men slow down, breathing heavily. Their hearts pumping a steady and fast rhythm against their ribcage. While they try to catch their breaths they look at each other eyes, and where Deans lips raise in a smile Castiel's face turns pale, he grips his stomach, and violently heaves up. The drinks they've been drinking the last couple of hours leave Castiel's mouth. 

Once he stopped puking Castiel let himself fall down to the floor in exhaustion. The rage, the running and the vomiting have been too much for him. He wouldn’t care falling asleep her on the street in his own barf. Two warm hands found their way under Castiel's armpits and he wanted to protest, worrying that he would be sweaty, but the warmth wouldn’t even let him start complaining simply lifted him up and onto his feet. 

“C'mon, buddy let's get you home.” 

Those were the last words Castiel heard that night. He felt himself getting lifted into a cab and then someone taking off his shoes. After that darkness. 

 

*****

 

Castiel woke up in a darkened room. His head thudded against his skull. It felt like his brain was to big for his skull. Which was weird because he was pretty sure he left some of his braincells in those bottles. He slowly sat up on a bed, he remembered the puking, and decided to very carefully turn his head around to figure out where he slept. The room was almost completely dark, only a slit of light found it's way through the blinds. It lightened the room enough for Castiel to make out some of the room's features. He released a relieved breath when he recognized it as Dean's bedroom. He reached for the lamp, he knew was placed on the night stand, and turned on the light. He hissed against the brightness, though once he got used to it he mindfully tried to stand up. His stomach didn't feel too great, so he didn't want to overburden it already.  
He wobbled across the room, towards the door. His socked feet barely made any noise against the laminate.  
He opened the door and the smell of fresh coffee hit his nostrils and he almost felt like floating towards the source of the aroma. 

Castiel heard Sam before he saw him.  
“You look like shit.” Sam stated. Castiel could also hear the shit-eating grin on the man's face. 

“Good morning, to you too, Samuel.” Castiel grumbled making grabby hands at the coffee machine. 

“Good morning, Cas.” Sam smiled to himself and poured Castiel a cup of coffee, offering him a seat at the empty table. Castiel wondered where Dean was, but then the amazing smell distracted his hungover brain.

“Thank you.” he mumbled content. 

Not even his hangover seemed so bad, after he finished the coffee. “You're coffee machine is a magician!” he stated, grinning at Sam. Who only laughed at him and waved him off. 

“Where's Dean?” Castiel finally remembered to ask.

“He left right when you woke up. He had to work today. Didn't he tell you?” 

“No. He didn't. Shit.” Castiel shook his head in disbelieve. “I didn't even think of asking. Shit. I'm like the shittiest person ever. Shit.” He closed his eyes trying his hardest to think rationally but apparently hangovers made him even more emotional.

“You know Dean. That's what he does. Taking care of people. Putting their needs in front of his.” Sam said sitting down at the table. 

“I guess, you're right. I'll talk to him when he comes back.” 

“Good idea.” then Sam adds, “You busy today?” 

“No, shop's closed. Do you want me gone already?” Castiel yawns, wishing he could drink another cup of coffee without starting to feel the effects of the caffeine.

“Yes, Castiel. You're always such a burden.” he jokes and points towards the stack of DVD's in front of the TV. “Join me?” 

“Hell, yes.” 

Only now did he notice how little time he had spent with his friends, and that's when it hits him that he hasn't texted Gabe in a long time. He swears to himself to make it up to his friends and family today. Starting with Sam and Gabriel and ending with Dean. 

 

Sam and Castiel watch one movie after the other, he can't even recall all they've watched. Mostly because he slept through them, so did Sam and neither of them minded. 

Castiel got up from the comfy couch once their stomachs started growling.  
“Care for some pizza?” he suggested.  
Sam nodded, transfixed on the screen, while Cas headed for the take-out menu. He called and ordered for Sam, himself and Dean.  
He decided to take a quick shower, (with Sam's permission, of course) while waiting for the pizza to come. 

The pizza came. The pizza went. Still Dean hadn't come home from work, and Castiel started to worry. Pacing up and down the apartment. 

“Calm down. He'll be fine. He probably just wants to finish the car.” Sam points out. 

Castiel opens his mouth to counter, but stops dead in his tracks as he heard the jingle of keys in front of the entry door. Sam shoots him a triumphant smile, and relieve washes of Castiel when he sees Dean walking through the door.


	6. Chapter 6

Dean let the door slam shut behind him. His faded Black Sabbath shirt spotted more oil stains than sweat stains. He greeted Sam and Castiel with a silent nod, heading straight for the fridge. He popped open the bee bottle. Took a long sip, he swallowed, and water droplets formed in between the cool bottle and his warm fingertips.   
„God, I needed that.“he mumbled to himself as he leaned against the kitchen counter. Beer bottle already lifted towards his lips again. 

Castiel followed him to the kitchen and sat down at the kitchen table, in front of the counter, Dean leaned again.   
„How was work?“

„Long.“

Castiel winced at the response, eyes glued to the table out of embarrassment, „I'm sorry, Dean. I didn't even think about the possibility of you having to work. If I had known I would’ve e-“

„What, Cas?“Dean interrupted, putting the bottle onto the counter with too much force, so that drops of beer spilled over onto the counter and on Deans hands. „Would you have drunk yourself silly on your own? Would you have broken into your boyfriends home on your own? Would I have had to bail you from jail if you'd got caught?“

„I-“Castiel started, but he was too stunned to process what was happening. Dean never yelled at him or got angry at him. At other people sure, but never at him. His stomach twisted into a tight knot, way worse than any hangover could ever be. 

Dean seemed to grow angrier by the second, his brows pinched together. His chest was heaving as if he were running a marathon. „I don't get why you pull this crap, I really don't. Next time maybe just say thank you for carrying your drunk ass home.“he practically yelled at Castiel. 

„Thank you.“Castiel pressed forth, although he wasn't sure Dean heard him. 

Dean grabbed the beer, swallowed the rest of it down in one go.   
„I'm fucking tired. You should leave.“ With that Dean stormed out of the kitchen, towards the bathroom ans slammed the door shut.“ 

 

Sam stood up from couch, worry mirroring in his features. „What was that about?“ Those two worry lines in between Sam's brows became more prominent.

„I don't- I don't know.“Castiel stumbled over his own words. 

„I never saw him pissed at you like that...“

Before Sam could start his interrogation, Castiel snapped out of his trance, almost ran out of the kitchen, „I have to leave.“Cas stated grabbing his trench coat, keys and wallet. He opened the entrance door, pressed himself out of it:“Thanks so much for letting me stay, Sam. Good night.“   
He closed the door shut before Sam had time to answer. 

There he was again. Running away. Always running away. 

 

 

******

 

 

“Hello, hottie.” Michael murmured against Castiel's ear from behind. His arms snaked around his body, resting warm against the blue cotton shirt.   
Castiel has been waiting in front of Michael's apartment, waiting for his shift to finally end so that they could discuss the last night. He prepared himself to be confronted with an angry Michael, a sad Michael hell even an ignoring Michael. The warm welcome he received was a surprise to say the least. 

“Hi.” Cas replied relaxing back against his boyfriends chest. The sweet smell of Michael's eau de cologne filled his nostrils. 

“New Cologne?” 

“Yes. Like it?” 

Castiel breathed in deep trying to figure out what it smelled like. A floral note, maybe lavender and very light tobacco mixed with the distinct smell of wood. 

“Mhm...” Cas hummed, his eyes closed.   
Michael pulled him in closer, kissed him on the cheek, then along his neck, with a raspy voice he prodded:”Let's get going, shall we?” 

His fingers slid from Castiels stomach over his hip and along his ass and rested there until Castiel answered an affirmative. 

 

Together they entered Michael's apartment. Trash is piling up in every corner.   
“Cleaning this place certainly wouldn’t hurt.” Cas commented as he followed into the room. 

“If it bothers you so much you could just clean it up for your handsome boyfriend.” Michael grins to himself while he fished for a cigarette and lit it up as he walked out onto the balcony. 

Castiel followed him outside. He places the other white plastic chair next to his boyfriend. “I want to talk.” 

Michael huffs a laugh:”Never thought I'd hear you say that.” 

“Why?” Castiel asks confused. The feeling of safety and warmth was gone already. He felt his blood freeze at the icy tone of Michaels voice.

“You don't talk.” Before Castiel could have protested Michael interrupted, “You hide things. Or you hint at things, but you never talk about things. So tell me love, what's the matter?” 

The way Michael said this made him shiver, it made him afraid to be honest. He knew Michael wanted to hurt him by behaving like this. He was mocking him. He made fun of him. Openly laughed at Castiel who looked like a fish, his mouth opening and closing without creating any sound. 

“Can't even fucking talk right now.” With that he pressed the cigarette butt into the ashtray and walked back inside. Not waiting for Castiel to follow. He took off his clothes and moved to lie in bed. Michael even switched off the light before Castiel regained his composure and stood up. He wanted to grab his stuff and leave. Go home and never come back. He already saw himself walking those couple of blocks in the dark. 

Instead he took off his shirt, toed off his socks and climbed into the cold spot next to Michael.  
At least he didn't run away this time. 

 

*****

 

 

Castiel spent the night mostly awake, shivering in the middle of the summer. He tried to convince himself that it was just due to an unusually cool night, but deep down he knew that the cold came from within himself. 

He was sort of relieved when Michael's alarm went off in the morning, but an uncomfortable dread settled in his stomach. His brain kept going on and on over the mistakes he's made of the past week. He barely managed to talk to Michael for three days straight, and kept him at bay until last night. He wanted to explain things to Michael he just couldn’t find any words. He couldn’t find words in those three days how could he have been so foolish and think he'd find words in three seconds? He knew Michael was going to confront him in some way. Guess, that's just one of the thousand things he messed up in an stupendously short amount of time.   
He hasn't talked to Dean either. Dean had called him,the next morning, but Castiel couldn’t bring himself to pick up. He felt too bad about what happened. He felt selfish and ignorant and wanted to make himself suffer a little while longer. He appreciated Deans efforts, he did, but he cut himself off anyway.   
Apparently he couldn’t talk to Michael and he wouldn’t talk to Dean, but he needed to talk. Gabriel popped into his mind a couple times, he even tried to call him and emailed him, but he only received short replies and decided to let his brother have fun without worrying about him.   
He needed to fix so many things. He needed to figure things out with Michael. God, the list of things he needed to consider was huge. 

 

Castiel lay still a little longer, Michael went into the bathroom to get changed for work and Castiel sat up in the bed. He fumbled with the bedsheets, got off the bed, leaving it in the same mess he found it in. He put on his discarded socks and shoes, grabbed keys and wallet from the counter and waited for Michael to drive him home. 

 

The car ride was silent, but not uncomfortable. A bit tense, but Castiel was too tired to think about it. Michael parked in front of Cas' building and huffed a goodbye. Castiel may have shut the car door with more force than necessary, and went to freshen up into his own bathroom. He went into his store and was more than thankful for the stressful day. Made it easier to run away from his thoughts, at least for a couple of hours. 

 

 

.


End file.
